Misadventures of Ran and his Adorable Little Shits
by Desuchi
Summary: Who the hell thought making Ran a babysitter was a brilliant idea? Apparently, Ara Haan believes so. Due to a certain spell gone wrong, the Elgang have been baby-fied and dumped at the feet of our favorite world-destroying antagonist. Join Ara and her disgruntled brother, Ran, in their adventure of taking care of these "little shits", as Ran dubs them ever so nicely. OOC Alert.
1. Chapter 1

**A.N. Desu. What are you doing. Desu. Stahp. *slaps self***

**So, my family was out in a lovely car ride to go watch fireworks just around 9pm. Sadly, there wasn't room for parking, so we had to go back to our house (much to my dad's frustration since it was like a 45 minute drive to go back and forth). And then, woozah, a lovely plot bunny came to mind.**

**Don't ask me what drug I was on. I swear, even just sitting in a dead silent car really does help to make your imagination run wild. Lol, just imagine, Ran as a babysitter…haha…whatthehelliswrongwithmeIdon'teven - **

**Just read this fail attempt and humor and make fun of me for making them so OOC.**

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**Classes:**

**Elsword: Rune Slayer (I just love him, k.)**

**Aisha: Void Princess**

**Rena: Grand Archer**

**Raven: Blade Master**

**Chung: Iron Paladin**

**Ara: Base Job**

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Ran was, to say it in the plainest way possible, having a horrible, horrible day. First, he woke up to find out that the Glitter idiots in Feita had failed their mission to destroy the damn town and were currently being killed off at a very fast rate by the petty humans that inhabited the area. Right after he received that news, he had been in such a rage that he accidently crushed the breakfast lying on his bed table with one of his shadow claws, leaving our favorite antagonist hungry and breakfast-less. Then Taranvash had stridden casually into his bedchamber while he was silently mourning the loss of his food and spotted him in his teddy bear pajamas.

_No one_ should ever see the almighty and evil Lord of Destruction, Ran, in his teddy bear pajamas. He almost murdered the snickering lion beast right then and there, until the monster had requested for some Windex to be sent to his chambers. Apparently, the mirrors in there weren't clean enough to reflect the beast properly, which the lion used as a poor excuse to explain why the Elbrat gang defeated him and left him to lick at his wounds for three weeks.

After that, he had paid a visit to Bobosse, the giant round hammer-wielding monster that was one of his elite soldiers, for some updates on the forces he had positioned in the northern side of Hamel. The Bobo-idiot was still asleep when he had visited, and nearly crushed the poor Lord of Destruction when it rolled over in its sleep. Ran's toes still ached from where he was unable to move out of the way in time, due to the fact that he was still drowsy and cranky, and totally unsuspecting that his elite squad member would attempt to squish him into a pancake while dreaming of a…what was it? Oh right, a 'sexy shell hammer that wouldn't come closer'.

And now. What happened just now was something Ran would never in a million years forget. The antagonist slumped forwards, pinching the bridge of his nose and feeling the vein in his temple throb dangerously. Someone up there was truly screwing with him today, and Ran would viciously murder that 'someone' the very second he finished taking over the world of Elrios.

"Repeat that again. Slowly." Ran hissed, his red eyes flashing dangerously. A dark haired, golden-eyed girl deadpanned and hoisted her spear on her shoulder, leaning on the cold blue tiles on the wall.

"You heard me the first time, brother dear." Ara Haan rolled her eyes in a show of exasperation. "I know we aren't on good terms, but this is something I need your help with."

"How exactly am I supposed to help you?" The silver haired man said, a dark skinned hand twitching over to his sword, Hendel. "In fact, why did you come here and expect to not get killed on sight?"

"Well, you haven't killed me yet, so I'm guessing you won't be anytime soon." Ara shrugged, adjusting her spear in her hands. "Regardless of the present, you did do miraculously well to watch over me when we were little. I thought maybe you could help with this?"

"You thought wrong. Get out before I kill you." Ruby eyes narrowed and purple flames started to appear in the air around his body.

"Don't bother with the bluffs. No matter how evil you are, you won't kill your own sister." The girl rolled her eyes again and stuck her foot out between the door and the doorframe when Ran tried to close the door. "Please? Just for a month, until the curse wears off."

"No."

"Not an answer, sorry."

"I refuse."

"Also not an answer. Geez, just help me with this already! I think Elsword already pooped in his diaper."

What the hell. Ran kicked the redheaded baby away from his leg in disgust. That's right. He was currently having a chat with his very brave (or very stupid) sister about the dratted group of little shits that meddled with his plans to take over the universe.

According to her story, the one with the purple hair had tried to do some sort of new spell without reading a proper incantation, and the red one had somehow at the last second converted the resulting inferno into a harmless puff of smoke. Which apparently wasn't so harmless, since the entire Elgang was now at his feet, drooling and tugging at his clothes in diapers and bibs.

Ran pointed a clawed finger at the blonde one, who backed away from his pants with wide innocent blue eyes. "Touch my ass, you die, stupid piece of cannon shit."

Ara quickly grabbed the blonde baby and ushered him to sit next to the black-haired one with the mechanical arm. Both of the boys made themselves busy trying to dig out little stones from the wall beside them, which Ran didn't find himself to mind. Better if the wall loses a few more stones than his sanity losing a few more screws.

"Get them out of my sight." He spat, attempting to close the door again. He would've killed another person with a blast of purple flames, but Ara was right- he wouldn't kill his own sister, or even bring himself to harm her purposely. Stupid past feelings of family relations or some other BS.

"Nuh-uh. Please, oppa?" Ara gave the man in front of her the ultimate power of puppy eyes. She put down her spear and clasped her hands together below her chin. "Please?"

"….." Ran simply gave her a flat stare. _Resist it. Don't give in. Nope. We're no longer family and they don't work anymore. Not at all._

He looked down at the green one who was busy pulling at the red one's hair, trying to pull him off of the purple one. The antagonist sighed and facepalmed himself, careful not to scratch open his own face with his claws.

_Shit, her puppy face is as effective as ever. Maybe I can ask Joaquin for a potion later to help me resist against such a powerful attack, the next time I check on Velder._

"Very well. Only for one month, and don't expect me to help you look after them." Ran growled and moved aside. At least if the meddlesome group was in his territory in such a vulnerable state, maybe he'd be able to kill a few of them, if not all. "If they die a bloody and gory death, don't blame me." Ara gave her brother a huge grin and marched inside, followed by a bustling line of toddlers.

One stopped by his feet. It was the blonde one again, the one he had warded off when the brat had tried to poke his butt. Sparkling blue eyes were gleaming with innocence as the _thing _raised its arms.

"What do you want?" Ran asked the baby gruffly, still bothered by the fact that he was won over by puppy eyes.

"Dada! Cawwy! To Mama!" The cannon brat gushed and went on his tippytoes, reaching out to Ran even more.

Said person edged back. Like hell if the Almighty Ran was going to pick up a snot nosed brat and be its…what was it? 'Dada'. What in the seven circles of hell was a 'dada' anyways?

"Aw, how cute. I think Chung wants to be picked up by his daddy." Ara said from behind him, chuckling. Ran whipped around angrily.

"Daddy? Who the fuck does this brat think I am?" Red eyes glared spitefully at the innocent child and Hendel was drawn from its sheath. He pointed it at the kid's forehead. "Listen, cannon faggot. I am _no one's_ father, and I sure as hell won't pick you up and carry you anywhere. Got that?"

Chung's eyes filled with huge shiny tears, the baby's round and adorable face turning red with the intent to cry. Ara freaked next to her brother and flew over to the sniffling baby, wrapping her arms around him.

"Oh no, it's alright sweetie. Ran-oppa didn't mean to do that, no he didn't, I'm serious. He loves you _just_ the way I do, please don't cry, honeycakes…"

The silver haired man twitched and gritted his teeth at the sickeningly sweet sight. He turned around on his foot and attempted to make his way over to his private chambers, where he would calm himself down and figure out a way to kill these brats when they were defenseless without Ara trying to spear him through the crotch. From what he remembered from his childhood, his sister was a prodigy with a spear ever since she was old enough to wield it- and she NEVER missed.

A spear thudded and landed an inch away from his foot, the staff quivering and the spearhead imbedded a foot deep into the stone floor.

"Where do you think you're going, oppa?" A malicious tone hissed. Ran turned around and saw his spear-happy sister hugging a sniffling cannon brat and flashing one of her evil smiles at him.

He winced internally, feeling the temperature drop a few hundred degrees suddenly. "To my private chambers, dear sister." He casually stated with a flat tone. "I did say that I would not assist you with these…babies…and that-"

"You'll carry Chung for me, right?" Ara asked sweetly, her voice dripping with venom. A silver eyebrow was raised at the question.

"No, I don't believe so-" Another spear was thrown and landed half an inch from his foot. It took Ran some effort not to dodge and still play it cool, as if he already knew it wouldn't hit him and that he was unthreatened by the spears.

"Why don't you give Chungie a hug as an apology for making him cry?"

"He does not deserve an apology from me, it is his own fault that he is an insufferable crybaby-" Thwack. A quarter of an inch away from his shoes. Ran chose his next words carefully.

"Although, however, I do believe it is wiser to have him placed with the others. It will do no good when he is separated from them when I send my forces to assassinate these brats."

Ara beamed, her golden eyes shining brightly. She thrust the baby into Ran's clumsy arms. "Here! And don't worry, just know that whatever monsters you send to kill them will be speared through the head!" Giving her brother a cheerful smile, she ran off and made herself comfortable among the confused Shadow Snipers, who were trying to figure out if they should shoot the girl or allow her to use them as cushions.

"Don't tell me she really believes they're cushions…" Ran muttered to himself, adjusting Chung in his arms while watching his sister sit on a Sniper and close her eyes for a nap. He sighed and looked at the gurgling baby in his arms. "Don't be too happy, I'll kill you by tomorrow." He warned the brat and walked off into the main room.

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**I…I…What in the aiodjaojiosiao did I write. How. What. All this OOC-ness. I consider this a crackfic xD**

**So! Reviews are much appreciated and some ideas as to how I'm going to balance this story with IHY/ILY. Stupid me for making up such a strange story.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A.N. Truth to be told…I am shocked. I didn't expect so much feedback for that crackfic I wrote at 1 a.m. in the morning. Looks like I have another story to continue now xD**

**You guys better thank RubyCrusade for threatening me with the flushing of IS:DBAG (I just love that story okay) if I deleted this story. She's the whole reason why this story is still here. **

**Annnnnd with that, I guess I'll be writing the next derpy chapter. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Elsword…yet. Heheheh.**

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All was quiet in the Halls of Water. The only noise that broke the silence of the starry night was the rushing gurgling sounds of the waterfalls echoing with the cold stones of the palace. Blue-gray tiles on the floor gleamed in the moonlight as a cool nighttime breeze wafted through an open window and fluttered the sheer curtains of a certain person's room.

Said person was fast asleep, tucked into the finest blankets of velvet and silk, sleeping quietly and breathing puffs of gentle air. His silver hair was spread over the smooth pillow, shining silkily in the half-light of the moon. The usual ruby eyes that glittered with menace in the daytime were hidden behind gently folded lids. Regardless of the demon horns that sat upon his head, he looked almost as innocent as any other person. Sleep truly does make anyone look peaceful.

Small feet pattered into the room, slow and clumsy steps indicating unsureness and anxiety. Messy red spikes of hair bobbed in the air as the young child ineptly made his way over to the sleeping figure on the bed. When the little boy was finally in front of the sleeping Ran, a small finger reached out and poked the antagonist in the cheek gently.

The effect was immediate- red eyes snapped open maliciously and dark skinned fingers clenched on the edges of the pillow. A low growl emitted from the once-sleeping person's throat, but quickly died down when their similar colored eyes met.

"What do you want…brat?" Ran asked sleepily, rubbing one of his eyes. He couldn't bring himself to kill the poor child when the kid was looking at him with a teary face. Wait, forget you heard that. He didn't kill the child because he was simply too tired to.

Elsword, that was his name right? Well, the brat looked like he was going to cry any second. His round face was tinged red in a startlingly same way as the blonde brat from yesterday. Large red eyes were glistening with unshed tears as the baby raised his arms.

Ran knew what the child wanted, and sure as hell was not in the mood for it. But he couldn't have Ara coming now and kicking down his door if this red-haired brat started bawling, so he did what the sensible person would have done. The antagonist picked up the stupid baby and plopped the toddler on his bed.

"What. Do. You. Want." Ran grouched. Even if he did give in to the brat's need of being picked up, that didn't mean he suddenly would be nice all of a sudden. The silver haired man was still cranky from being woken up, especially by one of the little shits.

"Dada. N-Nightmare." Elsword said sadly with his broken premature speech, sniffling and wiping away at a tear that trickled down his cheek. "S-Sis. Gone."

Sis…Sister? Ran searched through his mind drowsily. Oh right, from what he remembered of the Elbrat leader, he had a sister that went MIA for many years. Perhaps this child was forced to reenact his childhood fears and memories due to the fact that they were baby-ified. Did that mean that during this whole month, he would be forced to watch them grow and develop into the annoying brats they were before the baby spell?

Oh hell no.

Elsword tugged at the sleeve of Ran's pajamas (not teddy bears this time, thank you very much, they were silver and purple.) and stared up at him with such huge and sad eyes that it reminded him strongly of a kicked puppy. The sleepy man awkwardly patted the baby on the head and leaned back into his pillows, trying to figure out what to do.

Thankfully and unfortunately for him, the brat had already planned what to do, the evil thing. "Dada. Stay with. Tonight?"

Ran recoiled and stared at Elsword with shocked red eyes. Did the brat want to stay with him? For the whole night? He must have a death wish, Ran concluded. If the baby ended up dead by morning, he sure as hell won't regret anything.

Ara used to do the same thing, when they were younger. She used to have nightmares about the dark En, the spirit that everyone feared in the Haan family. He would always comfort her and-

Ran stopped himself. He couldn't go soft now, not after he had the majority of Elrios in the palm of his hand, ready to crush it in a fist. Ruby eyes narrowed at the tearful baby.

"No, go back to Ara. She'll deal with your troubles."

"Dada! I-I-" Elsword sniffled and curled up on his bed. "Scary monsters. Outside."

"Monsters…?" Echoed Ran uncertainly. Then it hit him. The Shadow Walkers outside must've scared the little kid while he made his way to his private chambers. Then another question rang out in his mind. Why didn't the Shadow Walkers try to kill the brat?

The answer was obvious moments later. Ran detected the tip of a brown boot peeking out from the shadows and narrowed his eyes. A quick blast of purple flames directed at the darkest corner of his room later, a shriek rang out and Ara jumped out, barely dodging the attack and revealing herself as she stumbled and faceplanted clumsily in front of Ran's bed.

"Geez! That was mean, oppa!"

"What are you doing in my room?" Ran growled, clenching his smoldering fist and lowering his arm. "Or rather, a better question. Why did you send this brat to interrupt my sleep?"

"I sent who?" Ara wondered out loud. She then noticed Elsword sitting by her brother when she turned her head. "Oh, there you are, Elsword! I was looking for you!" She picked up the baby and snuggled his soft baby-skin cheek with her own. "I thought the scary monsters had gotten to you, and you were here with Ran-oppa the whole time? Oh, you sneaky little boy!"

Ran deadpanned and buried his face in a nearby pillow. "Get the brat out of my room." He muttered, his voice muffled by the pillow that was digging into his face. "I'm losing sleep over this."

"Actually, I think it's better if he stays with you." Ara said suddenly, setting the boy down on her brother's bed again. "He's been crying and mewling all night because of his nightmares, both awake and sleeping, but he isn't right now. Maybe you calm him?"

The antagonist was about to retort the opposite but the girl resumed talking, her golden eyes softening.

"Yeah, I think it's better if Elsword stays here." She tenderly smiled at the crying redhead, whose tears were still flowing but slowly drying. "Maybe you really do calm him down. Reminds me of how I felt when I had nightmares and went to you, in the past."

The silver haired man couldn't say anything to that. He glanced at the brat uncertainly, only to find that he was already asleep and breathing peacefully, a thumb in the mouth and snuggling into the velvety cushion of his bed. "I guess the brat can stay." Ran managed after sighing, carelessly dropping part of his blanket over the sleeping child.

"Really? Thanks, oppa." For once Ara didn't burst out in happiness or give a jubilant smile. It was a gentle tone, one that actually showed legitimate gratitude. "You're doing a big favor to all of us. The other babies will finally get some sleep now."

Ran waved off the thanks with an airy flick of his wrists. "Yeah, whatever. And you, what were you doing up so late?"

"Worried?" The spear user gave a small smirk to the other. "Actually, I was making sure none of the monsters here attempted to kill the children. By the way, you'll be missing 36 monsters from your army."

The antagonist raised an eyebrow and tucked his knees into the blanket, quickly making sure that the sleeping baby wasn't too close to the edge before glancing at the girl again. "You should go sleep now as well, it's almost morning. I don't care much for your health any more, but I do require back up when I deal with these shits tomorrow."

He knew he wasn't fooling anyone. Ara knew it as well, from the way she quietly chuckled and turned around. "All right, I'll go to sleep then. I'll see you tomorrow."

Ran grunted in response, already under his covers with eyes shut. He felt the warmth of the small figure next to him on the bed and drifted off to sleep.

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The sun was bright and cheerful, shining through the sheer curtains of the antagonist's room. Said antagonist was extremely angry. The entire palace rumbled as a furious howl echoed from the bedroom at seven in the morning.

"THE BRAT FUCKING PISSED ON MY BED!"

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**A.N. I apologize for the unusually short chapter, but I assure you, I'll make it up. A certain RubyCrusade has been nagging at me to update faster so this poor innocent harmless Desuchi is abusing her fingers to start writing multiple chapters on the same day. –cradles fingers- Oh my poor hands, I can never pvp ever again.**

**That aside, I decided to make this like a series of one shots, rather than an actual story with a plot. Well, it'll have a very small plot, but I think I'll focus more on small tidbits of the daily life of this pathetic babysitter going by the name of Ran. **

**Now time to start the sequel for Colonel's Pain. Urgh, this pain. OAO**


End file.
